In every moment of every day, in every way, everywhere, someone is coaching someone. Life is bursting with coachable moments. I believe that we all are coaches for, with and to, each other. Everybody from all walks of life is coaching in some way throughout the day. Every day. All day.
A coachable moment can leave an everlasting impression on someone’s whole life. In my life one of the most profound shifts came in a personal therapy session with my now Mentor, April Prita Manganiello. As I was sharing how unseen I felt in my world, with perfect timing, she said: “Anya, you can’t make a blind man see”.
Lightning strikes of realization flooded my body with one of the most riveting ‘aha’ moments of my life. In that moment, I let go of the need for anyone to see me, in order to feel seen. What mattered is that I could see me. Prior to that I’d been living blindly, thinking that people had to see me and get me in order for me to be seen, felt and heard. I was totally giving all my power over to the other person leaving me disempowered. In that moment of recognition I took back my power, and energy surged through my body. My life-force energy that I had been giving away by thinking I had to dance a really big dance in order for others to see who I was. That is not their job. It’s my job to empower myself by seeing who I really am.
To this day I still get goosebumps remembering that palpably profound moment long ago. This is how much we can shift ourselves and others using the highly coachable moments that are 
there in everyday encounters, if we just intend and look for them. These are profound opportunities to shift perception.
Missed coachable moments are like lost opportunities that have the power to transform lives and situations. Recognizing a coachable moment is an art in itself that can be learned. Becoming sensitive to how your body feels when listening is a great way to begin. It will feel incongruent reflecting the disconnect between the person’s words and actions. For example, their face won’t match their words. Something will give you a cue, and you will feel it.
I am reminded of a client situation where the person said they could not afford to continue coaching because of the money situation. Now that is a coachable moment for sure. I simply asked, “in how many other situations in your life have you stopped the flow of progression when you were starting to feel ‘good’ at something?” Silence. More silence. The sound of “hmmm” in low tones said everything to me.
Then I asked, “how often has money shielded you from the awesome fulfilling feeling of success on your terms?” The tears of emotion were heard as I asked softly, “where did you learn how to hide?” With a strong voice she said: “when my brother died I stopped dancing because performing so beautifully felt no longer right. I think I hid behind my mother’s grief and depression”. Being happy no longer fit.
Showing up for ourselves is a way of maturing beyond childhood wounds that act as ‘stop-points’ keeping our lives small and unfulfilled. In her full expression, of recognizing the pattern she’d been playing out most of her life, she easily decided to continue investing in herself through our coaching relationship.
The quality of our life is in direct proportion to the quality of questions we ask of ourselves, and each other. Asking curious questions is another very impactful way to move into a coachable moment. Once, in a very long check-out line, I asked the clerk: “is there a better way to make this easier for you and move this line forward?”
She stopped, looked up at me and the long line, and called for a bagger to assist with the groceries. This an example of a very common coachable moment. In her need to be friendly and chatty with everyone, it never occurred to her that we were paying the price for her lack of awarness. She just needed a wake-up call to the present moment, which I gave her in the form of a question. We can all do this in gentle, pointed, ways to support each other in staying focused.
There are many coachable moments everywhere when you decide to look for them. Taking a few minutes can make an enormous difference.
The clerk in the grocery store was very grateful when it was my turn for checkout. She said she often gets lost in connecting with people, because she loves so much to hear about peoples’ lives. I then asked her: “what are the 3 most eliciting questions you have found, that causes you to feel that people connection?” She looked up and said “I don’t know.” I suggested she reflect on that, and said that I would ask her next time. By the time my groceries were bagged and loaded in my cart I coached her on what might be 3 quality questions to ask folks she was interested in.
One was to make a statement like “I am feeling lucky today” instead of asking “how are you?”. Or “I am feeling happy today” or “productive today” and then pay attention to what happens. Since our little chat they have sold lots more lottery tickets and dvd’s as she talks about the funny movie that made her so happy. What this woman found out about herself is that what she really wanted was to share her self with others, and that this was a great way to do that.
My intention with Life Coaching Magazine (LCM), and all of the articles within, is to awaken the Inner Coach in all of us. It is a skill that, once you recognize it, you can begin putting into practice and then honing it based on the responses you get from people. People will thank you for taking the time to notice what they are not able to see about themselves. I am not referring to an ongoing coaching relationship here, but the myriad of coachable moments that we encounter each and every day.
We can make great shifts in our community just by the single act of deciding to be better for ourselves, which affects everyone. Words have a life of their own and choosing them intentionally, for the purpose of causing shifts, directly contributes to making a difference in the world.
Another impactful coaching skill is to ask “what if?” Someone once referred to himself an adult orphan because he had lost both his parents. I asked: “and how does that make you feel?” He looked down and away, and said quietly: “lost and alone”. So next I asked: “what if you were born uniquely you, to be your parents next iteration in the world, doing what they couldn’t?” He stood tall. Looking up. Raising his chest to lift his heart, he said: “They put me through college. I am the first in the family to graduate and I am a doctor. All my life my father taught me, ‘invest in one life and you’ll change the world’”. In that moment he saw how he was moving his fathers highest value forward exponentially, through all the lives he made a difference in through surgery.
He stood proud with his heart high as he thanked me for investing a few moments of attention and listenership, that made a big shift in his perception. He said he will walk in the realization that he is the son of a mother and father who invested in him and now live through him. What a difference was made to him simply because I was listening for coachable moments that could make a big difference in someone’s life. Each of us has a coach within, ready to support each other in being better, and when people know better they do better. LCM